People watching.

Has someone ever blown your mind within the first few minutes of meeting them? Nothing physical, just their decency and ability to engage in a proper adult conversation. Because of its rarity in my life lately, I find it very refreshing! It’s kind of like the rhythm you form when throwing a ball back and forth without dropping it. It’s a very comfortable feeling knowing adults like this still exist. 

I am not easily intrigued but I do have this new found interest in people and social etiquette. There are levels that most people aren’t able to reach simply because it involves you selling yourself to a complete stranger! Sort of like an interview. That “Tell me about yourself” question that some people hate hearing. LOL. How do you know that the other person will be accepting to you, your background, your career, your upbringing, your political and religious views, hell, your personality even!? Unfortunately, you don’t know. You can only hope that as a decent person you will be accepted for who you are. 

What’s not ok is fearing the exposure of who you really are isn’t enough and creating a person within yourself that you’d rather pass off as you. I don’t condone. I do however understand it. If you’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting someone like me then you’d realize that your ethnicity, financial stability, career choice and background almost never play a role in my initial assessment of you. Not every rich person is decent and not every poor person is classless. 

Everyone has a story to share, but they are usually afraid of the listener’s view of them. When the only thing that matters are the values instilled in you at childhood because they are worth far more than anything you can buy. So yes, good people are fantastic! You just have to put a little effort in finding the ones who are willing to show just how  fantastic they can be! 

Xoxo

Monica 

Taking the wheel.

What drives you? What are you passionate about? I asked myself that a few months ago and came up with absolutely nothing. Other than my purpose as a mother, nothing was driving my mental vehicle….up until now! Because of my strong desire to encourage personal growth I often sit and think of ways I can tweak certain things about myself.

About three weeks ago I was interviewed for a different position within my company. My boss was going over the roles and duties of that position, which was actually more complexed than I thought. She is a very down to earth boss and she still maintains a very professional demeanor with it. We can sometimes venture off and incorporate real life into our roles and expectations. None of the by the book things that leaves no room for daily mishaps because as we all know there’s only so much you can fit in a training manual.

Ok so back to my topic, when everything was explained and understood she asked me a really interesting question. She asked me what would my job description be if I could write my own? I. Have. No. Clue. That’s the adult version of “What do you want to be when you grow up”? Now we all know that it’s good to answer all questions in an interview but I had to get back with her on this one.

Seriously guys, if you could create a job description for yourself what would it be? I know who I’d like to become and things I’d like to accomplish but to break that down into a brief description of functions and daily responsibilities I seem to be falling short of an actual title. Just recently I’ve walked into a very huge role. And I do mean walked into it. I woke up with fire, creative fire one day and it has lead to one of the boldest moves I will take in 2015. So if you’re anything like me and a lot of these little “life questions” remains unanswered, don’t sweat it.

YOU can be what drives you. You can create passion throughout your day in whatever you do. Most importantly, don’t sell yourself short by over looking your capabilities or talents because of your lack of knowledge in a particular area. EVERY successful person was a student at some point in their lives and I don’t meant academically. In life we are all students and we graduate to success in our own time.

Xoxo
Miss. Cottrell

Happy Valentine’s Day Ladies….and Men!

Today many of you woke up to the smell of roses and the rest of you, well, you woke up! And that is perfectly fine. We read way too much into this holiday. Taken or single, we don’t need some holiday to help define our love for each other.

Single people dread this day. It was actually pretty refreshing for me! I wasn’t under any pressure to plan and purchase unnecessary things. Seriously, if you’re in a funk get out of it now before this day is over! There are a lot of things you can do to make yourself feel loved and appreciated. A mate isn’t needed for that.

-Throw a singles party
-Catch a movie and drinks with your best friend
-Do some shopping
-Send yourself flowers and candy
-Make it a Spa day

Or better yet, do what you would do if this wasn’t Valentine’s Day! Don’t sweat it ladies…and gentlemen.

Xoxo
Monica

Red Velvet Cake

I bake it once a year on a very special day. I’m actually not a fan of it but it was loved by a very special woman. A woman who was as vibrant and radiant as its red beet-like color. A true southern belle who had no problem with stealing the show or making a grand entrance…even at a grocery store! 🙂

If she taught me nothing else, she did teach me how to wear my smile as if it was painted on. Be so social that not even a butterfly could keep up with me. One of the closest to my heart there isn’t a day that I don’t think of you and appreciate you. There will never be anyone else like Halie Jane. In fact, I can hear you saying that now! Lol.

So soft, but never enough to tear apart. So rich and I’m not just talking finances. So talented and tasteful in fashion that she could sew me the perfect jumpsuit in a matter of minutes. She wasn’t just a mom, a sister, a daughter or an aunt. She was Halie Jane. She was Red Velvet Cake.

Happy Birthday.

Xoxo
Your Cat-burger

Thinking out loud.

Feelings. We can’t avoid them but we can learn to control them. We don’t always want to agree with them but we can learn to understand them. The only person who can change what you feel is you. At least that’s what I’m practicing. You don’t have to be a genius to sense how someone else feels about you. You can choose to disregard but it doesn’t make it any less extant.

Feelings are always there. While people focus so hard to avoid having them, you are powerless without them. It takes a lot to look at your life and identify all of the things that affects you without reacting physically or emotionally.

Xoxo
Monica

Could you date yourself?

Could you date yourself? That is the real question. Don’t expect someone else to if you can’t. It sounds a little pitiful and it sounds a little creepy but it’s very important. Can you put up with yourself, daily mood swings, your heavy schedule, your quirky little habits and overall who you are as a person, period? If you’re not sure, find out! I’ve been single for nearly a year now and it has basically been like being forced to stare into a mirror.

Just me. No one to pick up the slack, or the bill! It’s interesting to me that I’ve learned more about myself these last few months than I’ve learned in these last few years. Not all has been good but things have surfaced about me that I may have forgotten or just never knew. I like me. I really do, but when I asked myself that big question I hesitantly said yes. It wasn’t a confident YES! Or a big hell yeah.

Because I hate hesitation I said to myself “challenge accepted”! I am going to date myself! In other words I am going to get to know myself better. Learn to enjoy my quirky habits and turn my little imperfections into perfection! And that’s perfect to me by the way. It’s very important to always be comfortable in your own skin. If you can’t be no one else can be and that’s what “dating yourself” can teach you basically. I am a woman and there are billions of us out there but what makes you different?

If you don’t have the answer to this question or you find yourself hesitantly saying yes, it’s time to date yourself too! Single doesn’t have to mean lonely. Yes, valuing someone else before yourself is the deepest form of love but until you learn to love yourself just as much you can’t make it there safely! Something inside me has awakened and I’m on this quest to find what drives me, what makes me who I am and most of all what KEEPS me happy. And like I said, I’m finding out some pretty interesting things about myself. So join me while I discover my capabilities, my strengths, my talents, my desires and my limits if any…

“There is a growing strength in women, but it’s in the the forehead. Not the forearm.” -Beverly Sills

Xoxo
Monica

2014, Out with the old…

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.” -Brad Paisley

It has come and it has gone. It wasn’t the best but it definitely wasn’t the worst. A few disappointments, a couple of cool experiences and 365 days worth of chances to become a better you, right? Peel off a few more layers? It’s funny because the days were long but the year was mysteriously short. While everyone is insisting I get all dolled up and party so hard that I don’t remember my name. I’m actually really content with how I am spending my NYE. Taking this time to reflect on what has made me who I am and where I am today because I am surprisingly very different from who I was just one year ago.

More and more I realize that EVERY second is important. Time is the most precious gift and even though my regret list has shortened this year I regret the time I wasted being angry or involved in any negative energy. I regret not taking more risks. I regret not being me because every day I doubted myself or held back anything I wanted to do or say it dimmed my light. If there is anything I hope to become in the future it’s a better version of myself. That’s it…

I am deciding to opt-out of making New Year’s Resolutions. Not because I can never keep up half of the list, simply because half of the list can never keep up with me! Lol. It’s pretty pointless. January is the start of the year as we all know. It’s the busiest from settling after the holidays, usually the coldest and also with it being the top of the year your brain is overwhelmed with the whole process of where you are in life! So here is what I will do. I will set realistic goals to obtain on a month to month basis. Seriously, how in the hell can I cover what hurdles I may have to jump in July or December if it’s only January.

You have to keep an open mind about the new year which means not sticking to the cliched resolutions that you failed miserably for the last five years. If you decide to make these resolutions just go easy on yourself and be a little forgiving if you drop them by March. Simply because this is life and change is inevitable. Allowing some change in your life is a part of growth and that will take you in a different direction than where you were when you made those resolutions.

So in my opinion,

Be optimistic, YES, but be realistic as well! Happy New Year world. 🙂

Xoxo
Monica

Hip-hip royalty meets REAL ROYALTY!

The Londoners are here and to no surprise they are making huge waves all over national television. Prince William and Kate have made their American visit quite the retreat, from visiting the White House to checking in with the Clintons and hanging out with Jay and Beyoncé! Oh, lets not forget that malodorous hug from Lebron that The Duchess had to endure. Without ruin, they continued in their royal cloud unbothered by the dauntless Americans. I’m sure it will make the news back home, tune into BBC! Lol.

I must say, I was really fascinated by the royals and the Carters chatting it up court-side. They were equally excited with each other’s presence…I think. They pretended they were at least! The thing with the Royal family is they can hate your guts and you’d never know. Their manners are impeccable! I guess you wouldn’t think her and Beyoncé had anything in common. They actually do, when Bey isn’t at her day job she’s just as reserved and polished as Kate.

Either way, with my mingling in the company of other fellow Londoners it is clear that we don’t follow rules well. We are NOT suppose to touch the royals! We are NOT suppose to touch Mr. President and even Mr. President should not be throwing his arms around the queen. However I did find it very cute and welcoming and I’m sure something in her did as well but you are expected to follow suit. So while they are splashing national waves across America I’m sure our lack of manners are doing the same in the UK.

Then again we have never been awarded for being courteous have we? I would have done the same thing to be honest. I’d hop all over them and beg for pictures too! I guess that’s why I wasn’t one of the lucky ones huh? Stay tuned America.

Some Friday Night Light….

How do you spend 16 hours of your time awake thinking about another person? Is it a crave? Is it a twisted obsession, I mean he’s not even that hot! Which is the lie I’ve told myself at least 20 times today to make me feel better about being such a creep! lol
Creep or not I’m honest! And if men wasn’t so confusing women wouldn’t waste all this time questioning their beauty, weight and intelligence. Trying to figure out if we’re pretty enough, skinny enough or smart enough! And let’s not forget “cool” enough. Every guy is different so we go through different standards of cool with each date. Cool is overrated!

I’m actually pretty cool though. That’s like two in one, get it, pretty and cool? Yeah I’ve been corny since birth. Anyway I’m still not safe because so is Halle Berry and she can’t keep a man to save her life. A friend recently told me that I am overlooking the good guys because I like bad guys. So not true, I like ALL guys. I tend to find a little good in everyone. All of the good guys are usually little wimps, sitting in the library hiding behind computer screens. I mean really, who will notice you there? Bad guys tend to be bolder. They usually have nothing to offer but a temporary good time and a dream to put on layaway until they’re “ready”.

I am attracted to jerks I guess. Guys who are just as damaged and confused as I am. And damaged guys are 100 times worse than damaged women but that’s actually another topic. I could be bitter because I choose to blog on a Friday night instead of being on a date or out with the girls hunting down our future mistakes. Eh, I’ll pass, maybe next weekend! Lol. It gets boring, I cringe every time a guy look my way. I’m sure it’s a phase but I’m just not in the mood to get to know you or pretend to seem interested until you decide to give up. Can we just fast forward to me walking the aisle please?

Seriously I have to get going because some pyschologist said a man’s personality is set by age 34 and there is very little wiggle room for change anytime after. I will need at least 2 years to strip away his bad habits and rusted manners! KIDDING! I have hope, I believe and I am positive that there are still guys out there opening doors for women. I saw one this morning when my son open the door for me at his daycare, I must be doing something right! Molding him for my 2030 women and he’s quite the charmer too.

Believe it or not we are ALL pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough and cool enough to someone. We just have to weed out the narcissistic twits who’s only interested in delaying our big day! Until then keep an open mind ladies after all, you see how my Friday night is going! LOL 🙂

Little Damaged Girl…

Can I grieve? At the age of 28 I still find myself at a loss with grieving properly. Something so important yet so complicated. And rightly so the pain resurface from losing my dad and grandmother on the same day. Trying to decide who I should be crying for first, the most or who’s tears I should save for later. Of course I decided to do the unhealthy thing of being strong for the less stable ones.

Early in life I decided I was fine! Someone dies, “I’m fine”! I lose my job, “I’m fine”! Break my heart “I’m fine”! I am always “FINE”. So fine that the true meaning of being fine has vanished from my brain. It’s a temporary state of mind that I have so inconsiderably thrown myself in to appear more disciplined than I really am. I can wake up and cry most of my morning from missing my dad, hop up and do my make up and get to work like I’ve had a fascinating morning! That leaves the question of who am I? Am I damaged? Do I have daddy issues? Yes could be the answer to both but after 28 years of being “fine” I choose to face my emotions as they come now. If that means pulling over on the highway to scream, hop in the shower to cry or tell a guy I love them first that’s just what I will do! So….yeah a rollercoaster has nothing on my emotions! LOL.

Back to the daddy issues. After careful observation over the last 12 years I have come to the realization that I do have daddy issues. What woman wants to admit THAT?! But don’t let that excite you, I have no tolerance for promiscuity! And I am not here to judge, release as you please I just choose to suffer in other ways. Lol. Ways like needing to be accepted to feel whole. Needing to please and take care of everyone to not feel worthless while my goals and emotional health take a backseat. Never being brave enough to voice how I feel due to the fear of rejection.

All of these issues stems from me not having a father present to help me build that confidence in myself early on in life. It’s so necessary. I have two amazing little girls and I watch how their hearts light up with their dad. How they’re a little braver when he’s watching. The only man they are seeking acceptance from to build the confidence they need to solidify the fact that they are whole with or without the company of another man. They are my inspiration. They are my mirrors.

Point is, it’s okay to be damaged. Face it, embrace it and do something awesome with it. Don’t pretend to be fine when really you’re a ticking time bomb. I’ve gotten much applause on my new approach on life and while it is difficult to be so in touch with your feelings. It is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Drake would be proud! LOL.

Signed a little damaged girl…..
Xoxo